Today isn't a good day for you. Sighs keep escaping your lips as your eyes wonder to the floor. Walking like you're dead. Steps are so heavy yet you keep going. Your breath hitched multiple times and sometimes tears fall down your face. You don't even bother to wipe it anymore. You feel so listless. All of this because your very first crush, that you've been liking for so long kissed with someone else. You saw it with your own two eyes by coincidence. A heartbreak, is that how people called this situation?
You liked him for years. Dumbly being excited and always try your best if it's for him, but in the end, all of that doesn't matter. You're not the one who is chosen by him. You know it's inevitable and you should be happy that the one you love find someone who could make him happy if you really loved him that much.
You sigh again when you start to think how dark your heart actually is. Maybe it was an obsession after all and not love? That's why you're so heartbroken when you found out he can never be yours now. But how could anyone explain the reason why it feels too much like love? The butterfly feelings and stuffs. You thought if you keep trying, someday you'll be able to be together with him. And yet–
"Y/n!" suddenly you felt your wrist got dragged to the back. You woke up from your daze and turn to look at the person who stopped you. That was close, you almost fell to the pool.
"Ah, Amane–" your eyes widen. He let go of your hand and you immediately dropped your head down again, "thanks... You're a lifesaver."
"Are you okay?" he asked immadietly. His eyes are full with concern.
You got flustered since you're not too used being around boys. Answered back hastily, "Y-yeah. You saved me! I'm good!"
You knew Amane quite well though. Sometimes you guys talk in class, and other times you met by chance anywhere else. You guys aren't that close, however strangers isn't a right description either. You're comfortable enough to have long conversations with him from time to time at least. He's nice. Everyone calls him by his name since they don't wanna confuse him with his twin, so you just follow along. He never minds it anyway.
"That's not what I'm asking about–" a frown formed on his forehead, but that doesn't take long as he throws his gaze away. "To be honest, I followed you since earlier. Tsuchigomori sensei asked me to inform you about stuffs, but you didn't hear me. It's like you're completely lost in your mind and... You seem sad."
"You called me? Sorry–I didn't realise." you fake a laugh, acting as if you're okay. "What do you wanna tell me about? I–"
Damn.
Tears fall again without your control. You just feel that sad, that forcing it in will only result making it burst out. You cover your face fast, trying to quiet down your sniffles, but that doesn't work. You can't stop. Just what is wrong with you?!
"I-I'm okay." You still lied to Amane even when you know he can tell the obvious. You don't want him to ask more. The reason you became like this is pretty embarrassing for you. Crying because you can't ended up with the person you like, that sounds so petty. Admitting you're a dummy that let emotions get the best of you disgust your logical mind. How could you ended up like this?
Pathetic.
You cried harder, thinking Amane already left because he'll be too confused to react on your situation right now. That's okay for you cause you understand if he does. But a warm touch that appears again at your wrist proves you're wrong.
"Amane–" your lips tremble as you look at his figure with your glassy eyes.
He took your hands from your face as he pulled you for a hug. Patting your head gently. Your breath hitched, before you knew it, you stopped crying. Probably because your sadness got distracted by surprise.
"There, there, everything is going to be okay." his fingers smoothly combs your hair. "It's okay. I'm here for you. You don't have to tell me anything, but let me try to cheer you up, ok?"
"Hm." You felt lost. Don't know if you have to hug him back or not. You rarely got a hug before. Maybe you got some when you're still a kid and don't remember about it anymore. But the last time you're getting a hug by someone, it was years ago by the one who crushed your heart. You were crying just like today. And the kindness that given to you make you fell for him. However, even though Amane's hug reminds you of the past, which supposedly make you more sad and cry louder, it actually felt comfortable. You wonder why. Somehow you got the feeling that you'll be okay. Maybe because you always knew Amane is a good person? Good people always bring comfort after all.
"Thank you." You burried your face to his shoulder. It was warm. You slowly get your arms around him lightly. So light that you barely feel the fabric of his uniform. You're really not used to this.
You guys stood there in silence. But that doesn't last long cause 5 seconds later you already let go and gaze up to him saying, "I'm fine now."
He let go of his hug as well and smile. "Should we go get some snacks? It'll make you happier! Come on!"
His arm is extended to you and you take it. Don't want him to feel awkward by just letting it hang in the air. He lead you steadily through the corridor with a bright vibe. That alone already makes you feel so much better.
Finnaly you guys stopped at the canteen and your eyes happen to fall to your crush who is sitting with the girl that kissed with him before. You automically hold Amane's hand tighter as you bit your lips. Amane felt surprised. He turn to look at you with a confused look and follow your gaze. His mouth let out the sound, "ah–"
Then you realised you almost make Amane's hand full of scars with how much force you use on your nails to dig on his palm. You're about to let go instantly, but Amane quickly catch your hand again and fastly lead you to a snack bar.
"What do you wanna eat? Chocolate? Chips? Chocolate chips? Pick whichever you like, my treat!" He shows you those snacks one by one as he look into your eyes.
"Chocolate maybe–" you muttered quietly.
He picks the chocolate and paid it. Walking out of the canteen almost in a rush after he gave the snack to you.
Does he know the reason you're upset? Did he happen to look at you multiple of times before when you're around your crush? You guess that anyone could tell about your feelings then–
...
"We're here!" His voice woke you up again from your mind. He lead you to a bench and sit down with you. Just by then, he let go of your hand. "Go ahead and eat your chocolate. I don't buy that for you just to be left un-eaten. Or perhaps, you finnaly wanna tell me why you're sad?"
You open the chocolate warps and offer it to him. "You bought it, so have the first bite."
"Okay." He broke a piece with his hand and eats it. Not letting it melt to his fingers.
You eat the rest of the chocolate. Trying to organize your thoughts. This whole mess feels ridiculous. The idea of being upset out of romance still pretty embarrassing for you. Why can't you just act normal at the canteen? You haven't apologize to Amane for hurting his hand and you haven't thank him for the snacks. Emotions really makes you dumb. You forgot how to treat people properly.
"Amane–" You called out after finishing your snacks. "Sorry for what happened at the canteen and thank you for this."
Amane looked at you again and blink awkwardly, "It's fine. Don't mention it! You got a little bit of chocolate on your face." He point the corner of his lips.
You take out a handkerchief from your pocket and wipe all around your mouth in one go. You get up and look at your own reflection on the window behind the bench. Making sure you're right. You're not a child anymore, you don't need anyone's help to wipe it. Leave the overdue classic romance scenarios behind at times like this. It's reality, Amane won't do that for you.
Your complexion looks alright. Come to think of it, did you not hear the bell or is it not time for class yet? You felt like you've been free for too long. They did say that suffering makes time stretch longer, yet, you still feel anxious. Especially when you can tell that there's no one else but you two around here.
You glance at Amane who is happen to look at you too, smiling a bit. "Should we go to class now? Ah–"
Then a realisation hits you. "That's right! What Tsuchigomori sensei wanna tell me about?"
He suddenly seems so nervous. "Uh... It's–you know I..."
You tilted your head, waiting for him to continue. A light blush appeared on his face as he look down. He mutters some words you can't hear.
"Yeah?" You patiently ask. "What is it?"
"I lied–" he mumbled out.
"Huh?"
He never lied to you before. Not that he couldn't. But you can't make much sense why would he did that. Oh–maybe you do. Out of pity, probably was the reason. You were walking in such a messy state, of course anyone would be worried of that!
"You're very kind." A light laugh came out from you. You sigh, but then try to cheer up again and show him a grin. "I'm so much better now, see? Thank you for recharging me!"
"You got me wrong." He said sternly. His eyebrows are knitted together as he word things seriously. "I won't do things like this just to anyone. I'm not being kind."
I did this because it's you.
The sentence that is unspoken can be heard in your mind. He indirectly said that, didn't he?
He said, because it's you. But what are you to him?
A friend that he knows quite well?
It's better if you don't missunderstood his words now. Being heartbroken twice in a day won't be nice. You don't like him that way, but it would be sad if a friend that you're comfortable with left you somehow. He's fun to be around. However, the sentence that came before that stress that you're somehow special. In what way though?
"Then, why?" You finnaly asked. Trying to find the answers for the questions in your mind.
He opened his mouth without a voice and then closed it again. After taking a deep breath, he told you that he can't answer you now which makes you feel more puzzled. Why is he being so secretive all of sudden?
"Amane!" You sit back on the bench as you pester him. "Tell me~pleaseee. Come on! It'll be okay!"
He turn his gaze away with a groan. "I will maybe if you tell me why you were sad."
"That's not fair!"
"It's fair. Trade secrets with secrets." He looks back at you with his finger pointed at your nose. "Right?"
You pouted.
Now all the sadness felt like it fades away. You don't even realise since when it was gone, but now all of your focus is on Amane's devilish grin. It kinda pissed you off seeing how wide is his smile right now. Knowing that he thought that he win. But no, you won't let him!
"Oh please, let me guess! You don't like me or something do you?" You randomly throw a cliche trope to his face. Didn't expect that you would be right, but then Amane stopped smiling and his face grew scarlet. "Amane?"
All of sudden he turned his back on you again. Ears all red like tomatoes which makes you get flustered. No way–maybe he's embarrassed thinking of the idea of that sentence. There's no way that it's real, right?
"THAT'S CHEATING!" He stammered out. At that moment, you felt like your whole logic of denial broke down to pieces.
"Eh? What?! Are you serious?! For real? You–"
"Yeah..."
"I–"
"I like you, y/n. Please go out with me instead. I know that you like someone else and I was thinking that if you're happy with him, then it's okay for you two to be together. But it isn't like that now. I can't see you feel heartbroken because of him. I wanna be the one who makes you smile. So if you allow me–" Words coming out from his mouth so fast your brain barely can comprehend it. He peek back at you and slowly face you with a conflicted face. He's completely nervous and anxious about this, you can tell. It is nerve-wrecking if you confess your feelings after all. You really don't expect this turn out of event.
"I–" you can hear your heartbeat loudly in your ears. Your cheeks are burning and you lost your vocabularies. Your mind goes blank.
You maybe took too long to answer that he starts to smile bitterly. "Well, if it's too hard for you to answer now–"
"I WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU!" You immediately shouts then got panicked of what were you saying. You don't have a clue why you instantly said that, but you can't see him feeling heartbroken and it felt like you're going to miss something that you shouldn't pass. He's a very good person after all and you like to be with him. "I wanna go out with you... If you don't mind being with me. But, if it's okay with you, can we take things slow? I don't want to see you as my escape. You worth so much more than that if you get what I mean. I maybe still can't forget about my crush, but I want you to be the reason why my wounds are healed. I wanna treat you like you're the right one."
If it's Amane, you think you can fell. It's your job to take the doubt away.
His head dropped low. Again you can see scarlet on his ears. Slowly he took your hand in his before smiling warmly at you. "Sure. We can take as long as you need. I'll give all my time for you."
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar